don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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