So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
