I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
