I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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