a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
