we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
