We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
