third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You may now shotgun with the bride
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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