i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
