Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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