Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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