apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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