vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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