He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
