Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
