Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
