Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
