he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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