Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
