Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
