just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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