just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
