the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
