I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
