just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
