She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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