just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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