We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
