im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
