Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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