Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dear god my vagina.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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