Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
