i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
