my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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