i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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