I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
