My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
