if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
