That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
