I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
