then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
