The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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