Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
