"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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