My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
