What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
