If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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