with your own penis?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
