She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
