So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
