he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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