somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
