Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
