worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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