so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
