you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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