see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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