is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
