I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
