I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
