I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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