You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
