he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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