My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
