My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
soo... how was my night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
