I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
