Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
