I cannot find my penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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